Alone in a World of Light

Dedicated to the importance of mental health awareness

Composed 2023

Duration: 12 minutes | For Symphonic Orchestra

Instrumentation

2 Flutes, 2 Oboes, 2 Clarinets in Bb, Bass Clarinet, 2 Bassoons

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4 Horns in F, 3 Trumpets in C (Bb optional), 2 Trombones, 1 Bass Trombone, Tuba

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Timpani

Percussion 1: Suspended Cymbal, Crash Cymbal, Wind Chimes, Bell Tree, Triangle

Percussion 2: Bass Drum, Triangle, Crash Cymbal

Mallet Percussion: Bells (glockenspiel, with mallets and bow), Vibraphone

Piano

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Strings

Alone in a World of Light is a through-composed piece that I started writing as I was fighting what I thought was a minor state of depression. Thankfully it wasn’t too severe to where I needed to consult therapy or medical emergency, but it was enough to make me feel alone in the world. People who know me or see my career will tell you otherwise, because there are so many great things happening for me. The world itself, then is light and joyful. But deep down my heart is sinking, with the light just surrounding me, but not healing me. I’ve continuously had to convince myself that people, other than my family, do care for and appreciate me, not just for what I do, but for who I am. I yearn for the feeling that I am wanted and loved. And as a young composer who constantly battles imposter syndrome, my biggest fear is that no one wants anything to do with me, and that eventually everyone will forget about me and slowly disappear from my life. This composition embodies what I’ve felt and am feeling throughout this journey of rediscovering my worth and my mental health. And as with everything that is delicate and heartfelt, what I’m writing right now in this program note is probably not representing my thoughts correctly. But music tells the story better than I do.

But as life goes on, I’ve learned that I’m not the only one with these feelings. There are now so many composers and educators who are now advocating for mental health awareness. And since the beginning of my career as an educator and composer, music has largely been a significant tool in my capacity to work on my own state-of-mind. I do not have a degree or license in therapy, but I know that we all have feelings; dynamic and ever-changing feelings. And that, big or small, music does make a positive difference on those feelings and in every aspect of a person’s health and well-being. It has the power to heal. If I could share that idea with this composition, to help others who listen to this piece feel that they are not alone, that fighting for mental health is just as important as fighting for others, then it’s worth every minute of my life to try.

In that sense, the words of St. John Paul II to the 18th International Conference Promoted by The Pontifical Council for Health Pastoral Care on The Theme of Depression rings in my ear, as the mission for all people to carry out to the ends of this world of light.

“The role of those who care for depressed persons and who do not have a specifically therapeutic task consists above all in helping them to rediscover their self-esteem, confidence in their own abilities, interest in the future, the desire to live. It is therefore important to stretch out a hand to the sick, to make them perceive the tenderness of God, to integrate them into a community of faith and life in which they can feel accepted, understood, supported, respected; in a word, in which they can love and be loved.”

~ St. John Paul II

If you’ve ever felt these feelings, know that you’re not alone. There are people out there who are willing to help, care for, and comfort you at your time of need. And it is important that you take the time you need to build yourself a life of love and gladness. Because this world of light that you live in isn’t meant for you to live in it alone.